Posted on Aug 18, 2021 in
On the Porch with Patti
By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher
Now I’m not saying that Lisa Ann and I require constant, brutal supervision, but there are times that Mr. Kaminski might disagree. It’s simply that we have adventurous spirits. It is a well-known fact, however, that I keep bail money in my purse at all times for Lisa Ann. You see I’m typically able to talk my way out of most situations in a calm and cogent manner. I am quite gifted with the King’s English. Lisa Ann, not so much.
While on our recent jaunt to San Diego, I must confess we were rather well-behaved for two full-grown Texas girls. I mean, yes, the hotel did give us a $300 credit and a box of chocolates. I am precious until pushed, and put the two of us together, well, it’s good cop bad cop on steroids. And yes, we were mermaids and left our poor instructor quite frazzled, but that really wasn’t that bad.
Then there was the s’mores incident. At our hotel, guests can enjoy a beach sunset s’mores experience for ten people for only $200. I nearly lost my mind. When I quizzed one of the Cali moms in line at the s’mores experience, she assured me the price was right because the people actually cook the s’mores for you. “You know how easy that is, right?” I popped back. “We do it in Texas with wire coat hangers.” The tiny little Cali mom was horrified and likely scared to death.
Not yet satisfied, I then queried the s’mores experience salesperson, who had to be all of 16 years-old. “What the hell else do I get for $200? All you can drink champagne? A foot massage?” S’mores by the fire was it – that was all you got. And then I saw the sign that said “Tips Welcome.” Oh, I had a tip for them.
I imparted this wisdom to our girls as we were on our way to dinner, and I thought the s’mores situation was over. Well, Lisa Ann apparently stewed on this situation over dinner, and as we walked past the conclusion of the s’mores experience extravaganza for the evening, she had words for the 16-year-old. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say we left with a complimentary tray of left-over marsh mellows I’m sure just to get us to go away. I made sure he threw the tray in. Again, not that bad.
Exploring new entrepreneurial opportunities – pivoting during COVID.
We also visited Balboa Park. We looked at modern art that we were certain with a solid welding torch and some scrap metal we could make. We tasted prosecco at every stop to ensure quality control. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it. We learned about our heritage in the United Nations Village where countries were represented in small houses containing artifacts and docents. Lisa Ann assured me there were cookies so I was in. It took visits to at least three countries, but finally, England came through with cookies saving the day. Because after all, I was promised cookies; I wanted cookies. Israel had armed guards – the struggle was – and is – real – so we were on our best behavior. No incidents there.
We did run across a nudist colony. It was called Zoro Gardens and a female troupe of nudists – topless only – conducted rituals to the Sun God presided by Queen Zorine. And best of all, they charged visitors to enter and presented multiple shows daily. Well, Lisa Ann and I are entrepreneurs, so we were definitely in. Unfortunately, despite their popularity, Queen Zorine and company were shut down, but now, Lisa Ann and I have ideas.
So, see? We were very well-behaved. But you know what they say. Well-behaved women rarely make history. That’s why I’ll always carry bail money. See y’all next week – on the porch!
Patti Parish-Kaminski
Follow Patti Parish-Kaminski on Facebook at facebook.com/patti.parishkaminski and on Instagram at instagram.com/ontheporchwithpatti/.
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