Repeat Offender

Mr. Kaminski says he’s going to wrap me in bubble wrap. That’s a lot of plastic – in all the wrong places.

By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher

It’s happened again, and I honestly have no idea how it happened.  And I mean I really have no idea how it happened, not like when I said these very words to Mother when I was 16 about a dented fender or getting a C in Algebra.  I really mean it this time.  Well, I will say the current incident involved Lisa Ann and red solo cups.  Enough said.

Another broken bone.  I’m astonished at how many times I have broken my ankles, ribs and a finger as an adult.  And it’s not like I’ve been in accidents!  I literally fell off of my high heel once and broke my ankle.  I was rushing to get to one of the kids’ basketball games and boom!  And, I still made it to the game on time.

The other time – same ankle – I just fell down some stairs but never dropped my purse.  As I began to fall, I held my purse high above my head and yelled to Lisa Ann, “Grab my purse!”  I tend to be clumsy yet my priorities are in order.  Then there was the time I actually fell out of bed one night – while sleeping – and cracked two ribs.  True story.  And yes, I broke my finger while killing a snake on the front porch with an ax because that’s all I could find in the garage that would get the job done.  Apparently, I have a solid right hook.

As I child, I never broke any bones.  Mother would have never allowed that.  Then I become an adult, and here I am – a repeat offender at the orthopedic office.

Now they are super nice there – the orthopedic docs and staff – who likely cringe when they see me coming.  You see, I never tend to the issue immediately when it comes to me.  I like to give things some time to resolve themselves.  Now if it were the children or Tim Kaminski who had an issue, they would be at the doctor’s office within 24 hours because momma don’t play.  But for me, well, I tend to believe I can think things away – I can ride it out.  And honestly, I have a decent success rate.

When it comes to orthopedic issues, I’ve learned.  If you give it a minute – say three weeks or maybe three months – by the time you go to the doctor, you won’t have to get one of those nasty casts.  You can likely negotiate down to a removable boot or wrap, hence the delay. So today was no different. The toe is broken – at the joint – which is why it isn’t healing after three months. I tend to not do things halfway so, of course, my toe is broken at the joint. It’s a solid break – one so definitive that the doctor just had to show me. Yep, I’m thorough.

The solution? Yes, he can go in surgically and put it back together, or I can keep taping it for another few months and “encourage” the bone and joint to meld back together. I’m both a very encouraging and persuasive individual, so I’m opting for plan B.

But if you see me out and about in a super cute outfit with really ugly shoes, give your girl a break – ‘cause I already have one.

See y’all next week – on the porch!


Patti Parish-Kaminski

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