Posted on May 31, 2023 in
On the Porch with Patti
By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher
Mr. Kaminski thought it was so funny to rush me on the way to the airport on one of our little jaunts. I will totally get in the car with curlers in my hair, do my hair on the way to the airport and choke him out with hair spray. Try harder Mr. Kaminski.
Now that we’re empty nesters, Mr. Kaminski is dead set on he and I taking more trips. Now I know what you’re thinking: Isn’t that sweet? At first glance, it’s a lovely concept, and these little jaunts he’s planning are actually grand adventures, and his intentions quite sweet. But as with anything defined as travel, an over-abundance of planning and preparation is required in order for me to attend.
By nature, I am a planner. It’s ingrained in my DNA. It’s the only way I know how to function. I am not spontaneous. I do not appreciate surprises. I cannot abide by the unknown. I thrive on itineraries. Reservations are my jam, particularly when it comes to travel logistics. I’ll have the folder with a complete itinerary safely tucked away in my carry-on bag with all confirmation numbers, printed boarding passes, pre-purchased excursion tickets, hotel amenities, a multitude of reservations, addresses, times and all pertinent details, including the name of the driver collecting me. And yes, they are filed in order: by date and time for easy access. There’s none of this let me put everything down, scroll aimlessly through my phone to find what I’m looking for while a pick pocket makes off with my valuables searching for where I’m supposed to be. Not happening.
When my babies were younger, and we traveled as a family, everyone received a copy of said itinerary lest anyone get separated from the group. At least that’s what I told them. In actuality, the copied itineraries were to avoid the incessant questions. “What’s next?” “What are we doing tomorrow?” “Where are we going now?” “Refer to your itinerary,” was my prompt reply. And when someone would indicate that they had misplaced their hard copy, as one of my people inevitably would, I simply instructed them to check their e-mail as I had graciously provided them with a back-up copy. Yes, my people had their own e-mail accounts starting in the third grade. I’m that momma. Problem solved.
Of course, as the trip lingered, laziness would ensue as fatigue set in, and the ability to be courteous and sweet became extinct. “Can’t you just tell us what we’re doing, Momma?” The whining would commence. At that point, it didn’t matter what the itinerary said. Momma would go rogue, and the activities were suddenly not as appealing as they once were as they involved naps and movies in the room. Then suddenly, my people regained their ability to source said itinerary and read once again with smiles on their faces and joy in their hearts.
So, with Mr. Kaminski’s multiple little jaunts, I’ve imparted to him that I need to know what I’m doing – in advance. I’m not flying by the seat of my pants. I would have no idea which pants to wear. I need an itinerary to properly prepare. The lack of one completely and totally stresses me out, and stress causes wrinkles. I have no tolerance for unwarranted wrinkles or wrinkles of any kind for that matter.
Sure, I can appreciate a down day or two of relaxation by the pool or lazy river, but I need to know that there’s a down day by said pool or lazy river so I can be prepared. There’s the swim suit, coordinating cover up, sandals, hat and bag – all properly accessorized – sun screen, books, magazines, small laptop should I get inspired and want to write, charger, insulated cup so my drink doesn’t melt in haste, sunglasses and eye drops. With that preparedness on said itinerary, I can absolutely enjoy a down day of relaxation – as long as it’s planned. See y’all next week – on the porch!
Patti Parish-Kaminski
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