By Alisa Murray
www.AlisaMurray.com
Nationally recognized
portrait artist and
award-winning
columnist.
Hey there my sweet lifers! As we celebrate the month of May with flowers and showers of love towards our mothers, I must say that right now, in this moment, not one thing is missing. This has not been the case for most of my life as May brought a day that I could not celebrate and a sadness that I could not always recognize. May is also the month of both of my parents’ birthdays, too. Living with a what I call a “forever loss” is a different and deeply profound way that changes your perspective in how you both process and contribute to the world. You always feel like something is missing, but you can’t quite put your finger on it – especially in the months that celebrate those who are no longer here.
Victoria Ann and Alisa Murray.
When I became a mother, I like most was consumed with making sure everything my children needed both materially, as well as psychologically, was met. During those early years I was spinning from building a brand and creating a “perfect” childhood for my babies. Sometimes this well-planned juggle worked as I had planned, and a few times there were some close calls – like finding myself waking up in a castle bed in the middle of the night with a Green Eggs and Ham book as my pillow!
The years of actual parenting in the nitty gritty were as we all know a complete job all to itself, and oftentimes I wondered if I was doing anything well because I was doing so much! That mindset of fearing something might be missing was ever present. Did the children need more time with me? Would they look back on their childhood and resent the business I had created? How was my choice to both be a mother and an entrepreneur going to influence them once they themselves became adults? Many, many days I felt like something was missing, and I worried about that a lot.
Alisa and Edward Murray.
Those days and months have passed into years, and I am now at a place in my life where I have more time to reflect and discuss life and living with my now adult babies. It has been a wonderful journey, this life of mine, parenting them. The biggest lesson for me is to realize that they want and need me. They respect and trust me, and they choose to spend their time with me. My daughter drops by to set up an easel and paint beside me in the studio, and it warms my heart to be having conversations on how to create a beautiful marriage, her asking for advice on everything and her trust that what I have to say can help her and eventually sustain her after I am no longer physically here with her. My role in her life is exactly what I felt was missing all these years without my own mother.
My son mics me up and directs and edits me, sits beside me and shows me stuff about artificial intelligence, cyber security and stocks that has an uncanny way of making me feel both accomplished and quite dumbfounded simultaneously. His conversations with me about him needing me to create the channel for “him to have to show future generations who I was” reveals to me how he has my own heart that aches when those we love are no longer here. He has never felt that “forever loss,” but his soul somehow knows the importance of creating a living legacy through video.
So, my sweet lifers, this May I celebrate! I am celebrating being a mother to two lovely adults who genuinely possess a desire to have me contribute to their lives. I am celebrating my own mother and father’s birthdays, too. My channel is celebrating its first birthday, which by the way launched the first Sweet Life Garden Show on mother’s birthday, and Martini Talks on Daddy’s. I can say that for the first time, right now in a month of May in my life, that mine is indeed a sweet one, and absolutely nothing is missing!
Take Care of YOU and stay sweet!
Alisa
