If it Ends it “ING,” It Likely Hurts – If You’re Over 50

By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher

Literally everything hurts.

I’ve heard it said throughout my life from my matriarchs that youth is wasted on the young. I must confess I never really gave the sentiment much thought nor did I query the adage, but lately, I get it. I really get it.

As I relocated for milder temps this summer, I got inspired. I foolishly thought I could do all sorts of things that are typically not in my wheelhouse, simply because I wasn’t so dang hot. And unfortunately, most of the activities I just knew I would absolutely enjoy and be amazing at ended in “ing,” meaning, of course, they were verbs. Verbs imply movement, action. That should have been my first clue.

Now I am accustomed to partaking in many activities that end in “ing.” There’s shopping, drinking, visiting, eating – all activities I excel at. Thing is those activities are a bit different here in the mountain state.

Case and point: Shopping is parking and traversing over hills and dales at outdoor festivals and up and down quaint downtown streets for miles all while toting your purchases along with you. There’s no valet parking, no zipping in a spot directly in front of a store, popping in, depositing your packages in your vehicle and moving on. It’s a you tote ‘em for miles and miles type situation, and I tend to buy big and in bulk. And yes, I did load Mr. Kaminski down like a pack mule, but even he has limits. Y’all know he’s getting old.

The Olympic-type feats associated with mountain shopping are absolutely essential to partaking in yet another “ing” that must occur more frequently given the circumstances: drinking. Passing up a bar while traversing the obstacle courses of Colorado shopping is not recommended, and this leads to yet another “ing” issue: stumbling. Laden down with packages, exhausted, hiking mile after mile of uneven streets, bridges and hills while imbibing literally leads to ancillary issues primarily consisting of sore muscles, bruises, flat-out exhaustion and a massive headache. Of course, the headache is from Lisa Ann screaming, “Hold on to her! You know she falls!” That may or may not be true.

But I’m still young, I can bounce back. At least that’s what I told myself. After crawling down the road to recovery for a day from multiple days of shopping excursions, a parade, a multitude of barfly excursions and numerous two-hour airport runs, I just knew I could rally. After all, I had Tylenol, Biofreeze and a groovy magnetic anklet that cousin Suzie got for me to wear to heal my arthritic knee – all must-haves for a girl over 50. I slept like the dead for 12 hours and just knew I was ready for the next “ing,” which was hiking.

My one-day road to recovery ended up being three days. The hiking plan turned into a boating plan, which was more palatable, given the sedentary nature of the excursion – even though it did end in “ing.” Turns out I’m really good at sitting, sipping and sightseeing all while floating. And now I’ve found even more activities that I’m really good at it – simultaneously – that don’t hurt. That’s a talent y’all.

See y’all next week – on the porch!

Patti Parish-Kaminski