Going Pro

By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher

I believe I’ve finally found my people: The Professional Porch Sitters Union.

It’s happened. I’ve finally gone pro. Now I haven’t been able to ink a deal with Nike or Adidas quite yet, but Buc-ee’s, Shipley’s and Stags’ Leap are definite possibilities. Rocking chairs, doughnuts and wine are just more my speed.

I am proud to announce I am now an official card-carrying member of the PPSU Local 1339. Yes, I’m excited, too! Seems like this porch sitting pastime of mine is organized. We have a union. Now traditionally, I’m not a big fan of unions being from the south and all, but the Professional Porch Sitters Union is something I can get behind.

It seems the PPSU Local 1339 began back in 1999 by a couple of serial porch sitters. Their mission? “To invite you to sit a spell on this virtual porch and tell a story.” Can I just share how excited I was to find this group and learn their mission? After all, I have a plethora of experience in doing just that. I sit well – very well indeed – and I tell stories. Now growing up, if Mother or Mawmaw said someone was “telling a story,” that meant they were telling a fib or embellishing on the truth. I’m just putting that out there for pontification. Think what you will.

It seems the by-laws of the PPSU are flexible, real flexible. That works for me because I like flexibility – in other people – and I really like to make my own rules. I’m good at it with years of experience.

There’s even a brief Q & A on the PPSU Local 1339 Facebook page the lines out the organizational structure in a succinct manner, addressing issues such as:

Q: How do I become a member?

A: That one is easy. You are now a member. Satisfied? Send no dues.

Q: Is there a website?

A: No. That would require effort that I am not willing to undertake.

Q: Can you send me a certificate of some sort to put on my porch?

A: No. But thanks for asking. You are free to make up your own certificate.

Q: Is it OK if I get others to start up Locals of the Union?

A: Knock yourself out. Much appreciated. That’s what grassroots efforts are all about. You are fully invested.


And there it is. Not only am I a proud, experienced member, I’m fully invested, and I have just received official union approval to start my own chapter and make up anything I deem necessary on my porch.

Now I know what you’re thinking: How does this sound much different from the porchly pastimes I already engage in on the regular? Well, first of all, it’s now official. I’m thinking On the Porch with Patti (OTP) should be OTP Local 281. And, we’ll have free memberships, official porch certificates and t-shirts with sassy sayings. Best of all, we will have guest porch sitters as long as they are able to keep me entertained and bring wine. And yes, drinking wine does fall under the category of entertainment in my by-laws.

Do you think I can talk the State of Texas into creating official license plates? I can definitely see the advantages. Interested in becoming a pro with me? Go to #OnthePorchwithPatti and follow. See y’all next week – on the porch!

Patti Parish-Kaminski

Follow Patti Parish-Kaminski on Facebook at www.facebook.com/OnThePorchWithPatti/ and on Instagram at instagram.com/ontheporchwithpatti/.