Foraging – Not my Forte | Fort Bend Focus Magazine

Foraging – Not my Forte

I may live now – at least another week or two.

By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher

Eighteen days into the new year, and I finally gave in. It was a bleak, rainy day. I was in dire straits. Two of the four major food groups were missing in the Kaminski household. Not to appear to be a wimp, the state of missing essentials – two items that I absolutely must have in order to survive – had been out of stock for four days, and I just couldn’t take it any longer. I had suffered as long as I could. A girl can only take so much.

I headed out with the best of intentions – an actual list of additional food items in tow – to my least favorite place on the planet: the grocery store. Now not to knock our local grocers. We are lucky to have some amazing companies close to home with the best that Texas can offer in food items. It’s simply not my gig. You see, these grocers rejoice in moving items around to utterly confuse you, and many stores no longer have employees to help you purchase your items. They expect you to do that – to clerk for yourself, to pay them AND work for them. These major retailers do not pay me, and I am not there to pick up an extra shift. You then have to haul all of your purchases outside, load up, take them home, haul them in the house and then put them away. It’s a lot. It’s a commitment. And the prices absolutely make me leave things behind. This $6 per dozen of eggs thing is cutting into my mani money, which I desperately need after all of this manual labor. Priorities.

It was the lack of Diet Coke and wine that drove me to this point, the point of no return, the point of an actual trek to the dreaded grocer guru. A smarter person would have called those two items in, slowed down ever so slightly in the parking lot, had someone procure those two items and place in Bonita. But not me. You see, it was 20% off wine week at Kroger, so I at least had an incentive. The rest of the list that contained actual food items, well, that was just guilt as from time to time I do actually have to feed Mr. Kaminski. He’s like a baby; he gets cranky, and a bag of peanut M & M’s will work wonders on his attitude.

I know that I am a duck out of water at the grocery store, and it must be apparent. This time, just like the last time six months ago, the precious men who stock the shelves offered to help me. And it’s not that I look particularly cute when I tackle this task, but I do get exasperated in a rather timely manner, and I’m friendly. The gentlemen are super sweet and even bring me stuff that I can’t seem to locate, important stuff like the chocolate doughnuts I prefer. Sugar is the final food group in our home. The Kaminski food pyramid goes like this: Diet Coke, Wine, Grease – containing all fried foods – and Sugar. I’m a simple girl.

After an exhausting two hours of my life that I will never get back, I’m set – at least in the Diet Coke, wine and sugar categories for the foreseeable future. I’m going to make a concerted effort to not repeat this procurement protocol for at least a few months. In fact, I have a resume on my desk right now from a young man who majored in Supply Chain Management. Do you think that includes food forays? I’ll let you know. See y’all next week – on the porch!

Patti Parish-Kaminski