Broke Shit

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By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher

Every grown woman has mastered the art of the “Honey Do.”  It’s a skill set that is ingrained in our DNA, and it goes something like this:  We women make a list of things that must be dealt with in our lives that we don’t particularly have the passion or penchant for dealing with, and we put them on a list.  Then we proudly display the list in a high traffic area in our household for maximum exposure.  Finally, when referencing said list, we are sugary sweet with the “pretty pleases” and unreasonable promises for compliance.

Now in the Kaminski household, this tried-and-true method of getting things done doesn’t quite work that way.  Not that I haven’t tried; I have just found this method to be rather ineffective with my people.  When I come out of the gate nice and sweet, my folks tend to dismiss – or rather distrust – the effort.  They are a direct if not suspicious bunch, and a dripping honey vernacular mandates zero compliance.

So, the Kaminski family “Honey Do” is more direct and to the point.  It commands attention, and it’s effective.  It is aptly titled “Broke Shit.”  And the response is typical when my people saunter by the fridge for a quick review: “What did you do now?”  Chuckle, chuckle.

First and foremost, I’d like to say it isn’t always me, but it is mostly me.  And our list isn’t the norm of repair projects and light-bulb changing.  It tends to be a bit more expansive and often requires explanation.  Case and point:  Anything to do with vehicles automatically gets put on the list, and I mean anything.  I can be Bonita needs a bath, Bonita’s empty or my personal fav, Bonita’s blinking, meaning her dashboard has the pretty flashing lights going on again, and it’s not Christmas.  I am not in charge of nor have I ever aspired to be queen of fleet maintenance.  I have shared this philosophy multiple times with officers of the law when upon occasion they have pulled me over to chat and have inquired about items I have absolutely no working knowledge of, such as registration stickers, tail lights and such.  I have even offered to get Mr. Kaminski, manager of fleet maintenance in our world, on the phone to field their inquiries.  It’s effective if not downright entertaining, in case you’re wondering.

This week’s list featured “tablet.”  I promptly informed Kolton when he came over for Mother’s Day that meant I couldn’t get to where I needed to go on my tablet.  Of course, he had to tackle the issue, because it was not only on the list, it was Mother’s Day. Timing is everything.  I explained to him that I was having trouble finding where to go to connect the hotspot when out and about.  He calmly showed me how to go to “Settings.”  “That does not tell me that the hotspot is there,” I clearly informed him.  So, of course, that precious child of God changed the “Settings” name on my tablet to “Hotspot” so I now know exactly where to go.  He gets me.  “Tablet” is off the list.

Perhaps our “Honey Do” being named “Broke Shit” is a bit too direct for some, but I say know your audience.  Now if I can just get the glass pane on the door fixed where I went after a bee with a folded-up newspaper who unwittingly decided to venture into the house.  I won the battle, but the glass was a casualty.  Apparently, I’ve got a mean right arm.  See y’all next week – on the porch!

 

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Patti Parish-Kaminski

Follow Patti Parish-Kaminski on Facebook at www.facebook.com/OnThePorchWithPatti/ and on Instagram at instagram.com/ontheporchwithpatti/.

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