What is Said on the Porch Stays on the Porch

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Porch talk is a really interesting phenomenon. It’s a bit like a confessional in the Catholic church. What’s said on the porch, stays on the porch, and the acceptance, forgiveness and uncanny ability to forget what has actually been uttered is truly amazing.

Most of us think of Sin City when we hear the phrase, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” But let me assure you, Vegas borrowed that phrase from Southern porches. The concept has been around for decades. This was an interesting lesson to learn growing up that what was discussed on the porch was not to be discussed anywhere else – ever. I’ll admit, I was confused at first, but I was only seven-years-old by the time it clicked that by hanging out on the porch with my matriarchs, I was privy to all kinds of tantalizing information. I would throw down my book immediately and grab a bucket to shell peas joining the ladies on the porch. It was exciting, and in my naïve youth, I wanted the conversation to continue regardless of where I sat.

It didn’t take long for me to roll up to the supper table at my grandparent’s house – lunch is dinner and dinner is supper where my people are from – and enthusiastically repeat some of the porch talk for further inspection. Well, let me just say that went down like vinegar. Now if you think a Southern woman cannot cut you off at the knees with a simple glance, you have never met my Mawmaw. And yes, it is a skill that has been passed down to future generations as I have been known to stop my people in their tracks with a glaring, well-placed look. “We don’t discuss such as that,” was Mawmaw’s verbal response. Her non-verbal response was a bit stronger. And friends, I was confused because we had just spent the entire afternoon discussing such as that. I simply wanted to understand why the neighbor’s no-good son Bobby Lee who stole from his momma and drank his measly paycheck was indeed such as that. I mean, if you live with your momma – in your momma’s house – how do you steal from her? And how do you drink money my seven-year-old mind wondered?

Needless to say, I never broke the circle of trust again regarding porch talk. It was understood going forward that what is said on the porch stays on the porch. And growing up, I learned to take every advantage when it came to porch talk. It was the perfect time to mention that Geometry was impossible, and I might have a D in the class. Or that I collected speeding tickets like Precious Moments figurines in my early 20s. Because after all, if it was said on the porch, it stayed on the porch.

See y’all next week on the porch!