By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher
I know my bed is up there somewhere. I just don’t possess the athletic prowess to vault into it!
I like a good princess bed. A good princess bed makes me happy. I like handmade quilts made with love by my Mawmaw, 500 thread count sheets, fluffy duvets, an exorbitant number of down pillows – all the things. And I like my bed tall. I don’t want to have to go down to get into it; I might not can get back up. I want to move laterally or step up just a tad – closer to Jesus so He can easily hear my prayers. That’s just considerate.
I’m a creature of habit. I sleep in the same spot in my princess bed – every night. That way Mr. Kaminski knows exactly where I am. Another considerate move on my part. Unfortunately, sleeping in the same spot for an extended period of time makes my princess bed less than.
A couple of months ago, I noticed an indention – a dip if you will – of exactly where I sleep. When I mentioned it to Mr. Kaminski, his cure was to flip the mattress, turn it over to the other side. Done and done. Thing is, that flipping thing didn’t quite solve the issue. After about two months, said dip appeared once again from me slumbering in the same exact spot. I said I’m a creature of habit.
Once again, I conferred with Mr. Kaminski as all things utilitarian fall under his purview in our household. Frankly I was stunned it wasn’t an issue for him – just me.
“I’ll put a soft mattress topper on it,” was his remedy this time. “It will make it soft and squishy for you. You’ll love it!”
I was on board with soft. Life is hard enough; I need soft and squishy – just not on my thighs. Mr. Kaminski commenced with topper placement while I was out of town, so upon my return, my princess bed would be good to go.
It was a considerable task and a quite noble effort on his part. I’ll give him that. But there was just one tiny flaw in the plan: my princess bed was now at least three inches taller.
In my younger days, that might not have been an issue. Today, it’s virtually an Olympic sport to actually get into this bed. There’s no “crawling into bed.” It’s more like climbing into bed without a stool, ladder or anything to actually hold on to. Lesson learned Don’t pull on the sheets for leverage. It doesn’t work out well.
Earlier this week, Mr. Kaminski was out of town, and my nightly acrobatic session of getting in bed hit a snag. With socks on, because it was cold, things were a bit more slippery than usual. You guessed it. I ended up on the floor, flat on my backside with my bell rung from hitting my head so hard on the wall. Princess down.
I lay prone for quite a while trying to make the birds stop flying in my head. I thought about who to call while in this type of predicament and finally decided to just wait it out. The next morning, I found myself bruised and bumped. Score: Princess Bed 1; Princess 0.
After relaying my nocturnal antics to Mr. Kaminski, he promptly informed me the die was cast: a new princess bed is in my future. And it only took him two tries and a significant injury to rectify the situation. See y’all next week – on the porch.
Patti Parish-Kaminski
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