Striking Explanations

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By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher

Sometimes I have to explain things to Mr. Kaminski – in great detail.  More often than not, it is to achieve compliance in a particular situation, but sometimes it’s simply for perspective.

Take the other day for example.  I’ve been battling the bulge since I had babies.  The struggle is not only real; it’s never ending, especially as I get longer in the tooth.  Just the other day, I put on some shorts – that actually fit – since summer is upon us, and it’s 100 and hell on the daily.

Because at least in my mind, which is my reality, I have been making a concerted effort gaining territory in my battle, I exclaimed after donning said shorts, “Oh my gosh, don’t my legs look smaller?”

Mr. Kaminski glanced away from the television for a split second as his rapt attention was involved in a snake documentary.  Rattlesnakes to be precise.  Little did he know a more venomous and dangerous reptile was in his presence.

“Yeah,” he quipped with a nanosecond of a glance, “Especially the ankles.”

Really?  Was that an implication that I previously had cankles?  And what about the upper part of my legs – the area that I was actually referring to.

“Let me explain something about this body,” I replied stepping directly in front of the tv.  “This body has created, literally built from scratch with your microscopic input, two full grown human beings.  And then, once completely assembled and built to perfection, this body had to get them out for you to enjoy and have namesakes. This particular process involved gutting me like a hog and stapling multiple layers of my abdomen back together – twice. Then the metal staples had to be removed with a tool.  So let me pose the question again, don’t my legs look smaller?”

“They’re so tiny I can barely see them,” he responded after I had secured his full and rapt attention.  The snakes on the tv had slithered away; the snake in the room struck and struck hard.

“I believe your butt looks smaller, too,” he continued with a hopeful half-smile.

“Now you understand the assignment,” I replied, slithering away.

Explanations, they are a requirement of cogent communication in the maintenance of holy matrimony.  See y’all next week – on the porch!

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Patti Parish-Kaminski

Follow Patti Parish-Kaminski on Facebook at www.facebook.com/OnThePorchWithPatti/ and on Instagram at instagram.com/ontheporchwithpatti/.

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