Southern, Sweet and Sharp | Fort Bend Focus Magazine

Southern, Sweet and Sharp

All Southern sweetness for Valentine’s Day – unless Mr. Kaminski doesn’t show up with his A game.

By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher

“Love is a rose, but you better not pick it. It only grows when it’s on the vine.” That’s what Linda Ronstadt croons. But what she doesn’t say is that those beautiful, delicate flowers grow on vines filled with sharp, treacherous thorns, and maybe that’s why they best be left alone.

I can relate. I often describe myself as a delicate flower. Now that description doesn’t really hold water with my people who think of me more as a man-eating plant, but I know such as that really doesn’t exist except in modern fiction circa Little Shop of Horrors. My people really shouldn’t try to aggravate me given my sweet and delicate sensibilities.

It can be argued that the sweetest things in life are protected by the sharpest. Take dewberries for instance. When I was younger, Mother would frequently send me out to pick dewberries at the ranch armed with a long stick, a stern warning about snakes and a bucket. I usually had a 410 in tow as well, but I didn’t advertise that because Mother frowned on me toting around shotguns until my age got into double digits. Dewberries grow in briar patches with bristly thorns so a body has to be very careful when picking them, but they absolutely make the best cobbler and fried pies, so the risk is definitely worth the reward.

The same holds true for Southern women. It’s a risky business to take on a Southern woman, but the rewards are of Biblical proportion if you’re man enough to take a Southern sister on and live to tell about it. You see we are armed with the both the full armor of God and the full armor of generations of quick-witted, strong women who do not want to be trifled with in any form or incantation – women whose sharp wit, cutting sarcasm, scripture-quoting at will, no-nonsense swift and deft responses will cut you to the core and leave you dazed, confused and literally cut if necessary. And that’s only if we feel like “being sweet.” And our grands, great-grands, mothers and aunties? What they didn’t teach us directly, we channel indirectly as needed. It’s a gift, and yes, it grows and blooms profusely amongst treacherous, protective thorns on the genetic vine.

The most sage advice I can offer when dealing with a Southern woman is tried and true: “Don’t poke the bear” or as Mawmaw would say, “Be particular.” Now some of you gentlemen might wonder what “be particular” means. It means pay attention, choose wisely and be prepared. This week it means Valentine’s Day is on the horizon, and the forecast is solely up to you. You can have a Cat 5 hurricane or you can glorious sunny skies. Be particular about it, because the outcome is squarely in your hands.

A friend and I were talking this week, and she queried, “Who celebrates Valentine’s Day?” to which I deftly replied, “Mr. Kaminski if he knows what’s good for him.” Wishing all my tribe a Happy Galentine’s, and boys, I’ve given you fair warning. If it’s gale force winds this year, that’s on you. See y’all next week – on the porch!

Patti Parish-Kaminski