By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher
This old lady shopping thing is really working for me. I highly recommend it!
Well, it happened again, porch sitters. Different retailer, different scenario, but I was ready with carpe diem as my mantra and a significantly improved attitude.
There I was at Ross Dress for Less on a Tuesday doing a little bargain hunting. Did I need anything? No, not a dang thing, but I had some time to kill between appointments, and y’all know I’m all about efficiency. I’m not about to waste a solid 45 minutes when there are things that might want to come home with me.
I picked up a couple of cute things and headed to check out. Of course, the line at these discount establishments is akin to an Olympic level obstacle course. You wind and turn and bob and weave – all amongst treasures. There’s literally stuff floor to neck high of bright, shiny treasures just waiting to be added to your cart – and you have to move quickly and grab them as movement is imminent as you near the register. Once you are past said treasure, there’s no turning back. It’s a pressure cooker, and it’s a good strategy. I’m impressed.
Securing my place in the payment procession, I quickly retrieved my phone. I was not falling for the impulse purchases winding through the merchandise maze. Not today Satan was my mantra.
The store was more crowded than usual for a Tuesday early afternoon I thought, and the line was long. I quickly ran through my phone scroll and found myself still in the danger zone. I tried to avert my eyes, but everywhere I looked, treasures galore.
I can simply peruse to pass the time, I told myself. I am brave, I am strong, I am done shopping.
Apparently, someone else who lives in my head was not brave, strong and done, because there it was: a king sheet set that matched the new comforter I had just purchased. No, I said, it won’t have four pillowcases. It did. No, I said, it won’t be the thread count that Mr. Kaminski prefers. It was. He is a delicate flower when it comes to sheets. No, I said, it will be expensive. It was on clearance for $20 – six pieces for $20!
I fell for the ruse, placed the find in my cart and made my way to register one when summoned. That’s when it got real. The sweet cashier told me my total and for the first time, looked at me.
“Wait,” she said. “Are you over 55?”
“Why yes I am,” I proudly and loudly proclaimed.
“You get a ten percent discount on Tuesdays, so you saved $6.49.”
This time I was ready. “Yay!” I replied. “Thank you so much. It was the hair that gave me away, right?”
She literally leaned forward studying my face and hair, and said, “How old are you?”
“I’m 59, and I can prove it. It’s just my highlights tend to read gray, but they are free highlights from God. All I have to do is stay alive, and He gives them to me for free.”
“Girl, you are winning, and you look amazing,” was her reply with a smile.
Want to know where I’ll be next Tuesday? Ross Dress for Less. Maybe I’ll see you there, because we get mad discounts. See y’all next week – on the porch – or at Ross!
Patti Parish-Kaminski
Follow Patti Parish-Kaminski on Facebook at www.facebook.com/OnThePorchWithPatti/ and on Instagram at instagram.com/ontheporchwithpatti/.
