Posted on Jun 29, 2016 in
FEATURES
Carolyn Engelke Tarver holding a picture of her son Stan Engelke.
By Joan Frances –
Thirty-three years ago, Stan Engelke was a vivacious and compassionate 17 year-old enjoying life. He was wise beyond his years. His mom, Carolyn, said that through her son, she learned that the most important things in life are relationships, not material possessions or anything else. Stan was a very sensitive and caring individual. Always thoughtful of other people, he convinced his mom to take the kids in his fifth grade class to Hermann Park for a special day of fun. In his 17 years of life, he made an impact on those around him but especially on his mom. In a tragic accident on May 9, 1983, Stan fell off the back of a friend’s car, severed the stem of his brain and left this earth. To keep her son’s memory alive, Carolyn Tarver began Project S.M.I.L.E. (Stan’s Memory Includes Loving Everyone), and this is her story.
That first year after the accident, it was difficult for Tarver to even comprehend the death of her son. Tarver and Carlos, Stan’s stepfather, tried to deal with the grief. “We would hold, cry and comfort each other,” Tarver said. Carlos felt that if God did not intervene, Tarver would not be here for long.
For decades, Carolyn Tarver has helped execute local toy drives enabling Fort Bend parents to shop for Christmas gifts for their children.
Tarver remembered taking Easter baskets to children at a youth shelter in Richmond one month before Stan’s death. When the Christmas season arrived, she visited the shelter and received the names of 12 children who would be away from their families for Christmas. When she arrived and started distributing Christmas presents to the children, a 14 year-old girl refused the gift. Tarver told the girl, “We wish we could take your pain away. We know everything is not okay. We wish we could make everything right, but we cannot pretend. Maybe we can all thank God for the gift of Christmas and try to live today the best way we can.”
As time passed, Project S.M.I.L.E. expanded. Tarver traveled to impoverished areas and went door to door with a notepad to create a database for the families and their children. She kept many records to be sure every child received a gift at Christmas. Then in 1995, the Exchange Club of Sugar Land approached Tarver with the idea of Santa’s Exchange, and they added 600 children and provided a place for gift distribution. The following year, the Sugar Land Rotary and the Exchange Club of Fort Bend joined.
With combined efforts this past year, including Toys for Tots, approximately 5,000 children received Christmas gifts through Santa’s Exchange/Toys for Tots all because of Tarver’s efforts years ago to honor her son’s memory. This past year, Tarver and a group of devoted individuals assembled and distributed basic school supplies to 1,270 children. Leslie Woods, a close friend to Tarver, said, “Every day of every year Carolyn spends figuring out how to help people. She is always thinking about others and how to make their life a little easier. She is God’s angel on earth.”
Tarver shares her memory of Stan in the very best possible way by her dedication to improving the life of people in her community, day by day, all year long. She is an angel, who under tragic circumstances, has become an inspiration for compassion and commitment. She and the vivid memory of Stan have made this world a better place to live, and they will never be forgotten.
