High Alert in Green Acres

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By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher

I’ve shared that life here in Green Acres is anything but boring.  And I have to admit, I’m on somewhat high alert when traversing to and fro while out here.  I pay closer attention because honestly, you just never know.

Many times, the surprises are beautiful.  Take the red cardinals that are often outside my office window.  They are stunning little creatures.  Of course, Mother says that the birds are someone from the great beyond visiting, and I need to figure out who it is.  I always thought red cardinals were a symbol of hope and love, but alas, Mother insists their visits are a message from the spirit world.  And now I have ghosts on top of all critters big and small.  Now God’s beautiful creatures mean high alert because they’re haunted.

The love bugs this spring are at swarm levels.  I opened the front door just the other day to a virtual graveyard of love bugs on the porch.  Again, I think the little critters are cute, but there’s a potter’s field of them on my porch.  Stepping around them takes skill and agility, and I must confess, I am not that agile.  Again, high alert lest I sprain an ankle or worse, break it.  This from the girl who has fallen off her high heels and broke her ankle.  It’s a thing.

The plethora of kitties who roam Green Acres brought me a gift the other day and placed it right outside the back door.  Thoughtful and convenient.  I would have stepped on the sweet gift – a mouse corpse – were I not on, you guessed it, high alert.  I am, however, thankful for the furry feline’s efforts in rodent riddance.

So, with all of these close critter encounters, you can imagine that I absolutely lost my mind when I spotted in the kitchen windowsill in the dim early morning light – INSIDE – a four-legged friend.  It’s a miracle of God that I did not have a heart attack on the spot.  I didn’t scream or shriek as ladies often do in distress.  I hollered like a sailor and grabbed the nearest kitchen utensil to arm myself.  I was ready to go to war.

Upon noticing that the critter did not move nor utter a sound at my protestations, I went in – armed with a wooden spoon – for a closer look.  It was indeed a mouse as my first glance had indicated.  But this furry friend was indeed not furry; he was dark gray metal.  Unnervingly realistic, I immediately poked the miniscule mouse just to be certain.  No movement.

I went in search of the only other human living in Green Acres and commenced with the inquisition.

“Do you know there’s a metal mouse in our kitchen window?” I queried Mr. Kaminski.

“Yes!  Isn’t it cute,” he replied with a grin.

“Nope, not cute.  Very realistic, not appreciated.  Where did you get this malevolence mouse?”

“Cee Cee gave it to me,” he replied, just tickled with himself.  “She buys them in Maine and gives them to friends who visit the farm.”

So once again, Cee Cee Parker strikes and has occupied my kitchen with creepy critters.  First, it was the mealworms.  Now the faux mouse.  I promise you if she brings one of those scaly snakes she is always relocating to Green Acres, we’re done.  See y’all next week – on the porch!

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Patti Parish-Kaminski

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